When people are hurt, whether in an argument or more deeply by childhood mistreatment, spousal abuse, criminal activity, or something more personal than I've mentioned here, they may be tempted to hang on to their anger and not let the guilty party or themselves off the hook. When to Forgive teaches readers to confront their negative feelings and, based on their own values, decide on a course of action.

As the cover indicates, you will be challenged and guided to:

• come to terms with your emotions and values.
• make the tough choices.
• and put your decision into action.

At the time of publication I fought to resist the publisher's desire to make the title more attractive for marketing purposes by calling it "The Miracle of Forgiveness," because it isn't a miracle, though the calming relief at the end of the process will feel wonderful. It's hard work acknowledging the hurt you have suffered, holding the offender responsible, working through the process to your choice of action -- and taking that action, even if it's an internal matter of changing your view of the situation without overt behavior. The book and the study that went into it abound with stories of people who have forgiven "the unforgivable" without the offender perhaps even knowing about it. (Sometimes you'll find current examples in the "Grab Bag.") It doesn't ask you to do what others have done, though. It asks you to engage in the process that will free you from your pain, whether choosing forgiveness in the end, or not.

The book ends with this parting summary and wish. "You have made a long hard journey; and though you can't expect that life will be all sweet-smelling, thornless roses from now on, I hope this book has made the present and the future easier for you.

Comments and Reviews

I really really love this book. What I liked most was the writing style. It was very easy to follow without all the jargon. When I read the section on good reasons not to forgive, I was afraid you somehow have been listening to my life it was so on point. I can't wait until your new work comes out. I thank you so much for this book because I can tell you it has truly helped me to live in the world much better.

Ray Kilgore, Social Worker for County Child Protection Services, Certified Family Life Educator, and sports writer. Minneapolis, Minnesota

Additional reviews and sample pages may be found by clicking on the amazon.com button

I'm told by a Chinese friend that the Taiwanese translation is totally accurate. The Indian version is basically the same as the original with a different cover, one over which I had no influence. I do have a few copies of the Indian version for sale. As for the Taiwanese version, i assume it's available through contact with the Taiwanese publisher.

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