My take on the question(s):


(The following is taken from my blog entry of August 12, 2016)

I have really enjoyed seeing sales of “Figs & Pomegranates & Special Cheeses” increase as I’ve shared some reviews, but I had promised to get rolling on the issue of forgiveness. So here’s my first entry. It ties directly back to promises I made when my web site was established some time ago.

First, let me say that I personally don’t like posts that are too long. I find myself anxious to get back to writing “My Father’s House,” so I’ll assume that it’s a good idea to keep my own posts short. That means what I say is going to be imperfect. I hope that in itself will encourage arguments, examples, and other comments.

So, here goes.

I loved Lewis Smedes “Forgive and Forget,” but I hated the title. I was told later by someone who knew him personally that he didn’t like it either. Publishers have a way of imposing things on authors. Why not like it? Because it’s basically impossible, certainly unrealistic, to think you can forget the offense you’ve suffered.

Try to shove the offense out of your mind? Well, to put it maybe too simply, but realistically, you’ll be pushing it into your body to create all the possible negative effects of stress. Like a viral or bacterial infection it will grow without control.

The truth is, you can work on relieving the terrible aftermath of suffering an offense, but you won’t forget it. What will happen with good forgiveness work is you’ll lose the emotional pain and protect your body.

Forgiveness usually takes hard work over time. Why would you want to forget the benefits of that herculean effort and all you learned from it?

If I can tear myself away from my other writing, I’ll soon be sharing the forgiveness process as presented in “Forgiving One Page at a Time.”

By the way, I loved Smedes’ later book, “The Art of Forgiving

I grieved as if I had known him personally when he died.

Please leave a comment by e-mailing me at

For further discussion or help, please take a look at my two “Forgiveness” books. I’m including one testimony here to offer hope that they are helpful, maybe in a way that might surprise you.

It’s a partial quote from page xi of “Forgiving One Page at a Time”:

“Thank you Dr. Affinito. Your book must have been written just for me. … I realized just how much I have been punishing myself with my need to immediately forgive others. Now I realize that I need to go through the process, just like mourning. … ”

As the testimony suggests, “When to Forgive” or “Forgiving One Page at a Time” will provide the opportunity to work through your own process and come to your own decisions and actions.

Order through, or directly from me, especially if you’d like a signed copy. Even more important, perhaps, I’m offering limited copies of “When to Forgive” directly through this site at the original price of $13.95.

when to forgive          Forgiving one page at a time



  1. Prazz December 14, 2015 at 6:39 pm .

    Forgetting definitely is the key to fogievenrss. Without it , itb4s not really fogievenrss. I really think itb4s the reason a marriage can work too. Sometimes having a bad memory works in our favor! It seems the longer I am married the shorter memory I have! hehethanks for your encouraging comments about the chores. I am working up to having them help with laundry. It would be a wonderful help. They do sort the dirty clothes and fold clean clothes. I run the machine at the moment but when asked they do their part. It would be great if they could get to doing it without me asking.

  2. sally smith February 21, 2015 at 2:38 pm .

    The first one absolutely not. The second is possibly leaving room for forgiveness in the future. Sometimes it takes years.

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